


Weighted Confessions

by TempestVoiced



Series: The Cracks That Let the Light Shine (Anders/Allison Hawke) [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Talking about sexuality, still kinda salty this didn't happen w/ female hawke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-04-05 14:33:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4183455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TempestVoiced/pseuds/TempestVoiced
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anders has been trying to think up ways to tell Hawke about his past relationship, only to find that she's more than okay with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Weighted Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this after feeling kinda salty that Anders telling Hawke about Karl, asking if it bothered them, etc. only happened with a Male Hawke. Like fuck that, each Hawke deserves to know. So to compensate, I wrote this. Enjoy <3  
> Find me on tumblr: @tempestvoiced/@raediantocs

    He’d been wanting to tell her for the past few weeks.

    But how could one just bring this up casually? It wasn’t something he could talk about over a drink at the Hanged Man, or strike it up as playful banter when fighting bandits together. It was…important; serious, and should be taken as such. It was a big part of his past and defined his personality when he was younger and more impressionable.

    His relationship with Karl was a big part of his past that he couldn’t just drop, especially not after what happened in the Chantry that night.

    She’d been giving him those looks, flirting and teasing him. She even thanked him for being open and honest about Justice when he would have expected her to shun him and call him an abomination. Just as well that she seemed to be on his side when it came to opinions on mages, and being one herself just sweetened the deal. Hawke made it clear that she was interested, or at the least wouldn’t mind a roll in the hay with him (a glowing, minuscule part of him hoped for the former, but the flame was put out as quickly as it was lit). It didn’t hurt that she was beautiful, in an odd, scuffed up and scarred sort of way. It was an acquired taste, he thought.

    Anders sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. Justice had already made himself clear on where he stood on the matter, that anything past what they two mages already had would distract him from his true goal. He had to fight a little to hear himself in his own head over the spirit’s protests as he tried to think. For the life of him could he not think of a way to tell her properly?

    The clinic had emptied out for the most part, his last patient leaving not even ten minutes ago. He’d only vaguely succeeded in keeping his personal life out of what he did, keeping focused on the needs of each refugee who came to him. With the amount of sick and injured that came in all day, he hadn’t had much time to come up with ways to talk to Hawke. It was already dark out, had been for a few hours, and most of his patients were already off the streets of Darktown to avoid worsening their luck. If he was lucky, he’d only get one or two emergency cases sometime after midnight or the wee hours of the morning.

    A sharp knock on the clinic’s door startled Anders, making him grab for the staff on his back before a voice called from the other side, “It’s me, can I come in?”

    He didn’t know why she bothered to knock when she visited—no one else did—but he laughed a little to himself, replying, “I don’t know, Hawke. Can you?”

    A snort came from the other side of the door, “Are we really playing this game?”

    “Yes, Hawke, you can come in,” Anders chuckled as his friend stepped through the doorway. She closed it behind her, walking over to the man with a grin.

    “How is my favourite apostate this time of night?” she asked him, crossing her arms loosely and resting her weight on one leg, her hip jutted out ever so slightly.

    “Your favourite? I don’t think Merrill would be too pleased to hear that.”

    “There’s enough of my love to go around,” Hawke quipped with a grin and a wink, “Answer the question, though, I’ve been meaning to stop by all day—only just got back from the Coast.”

    Anders felt a small pang in his stomach when she winked at him. He’d have to tell her soon if she kept that up.

    “I’ve been fine. Why were you on the Coast, though?” he asked curiously.

    “Caught word of a few slavers hiding in the caverns and decided to take care of them. I’m alright, no scratches or anything, really,” she added when Anders raised an eyebrow like he was going to ask, “Anyways, that reminds me: how would you feel accompanying Aveline, Varric, and I on the Coast tomorrow, though? A herbalist in the Gallows offered some gold if we got him a few things.”

    He rolled the idea over in his head for a moment, ignoring a complaint from Justice before he nodded. “I can make some time, sure.”

    Hawke gave him a broad grin, making his heart beat a bit faster when she did.

    “Knew I could count on you,” she said, and without warning, placed the briefest of kisses on his cheek.

    The look of surprise on his face must have made her a bit embarrassed, considering the blush now forming on her cheeks and a rushed apology of “was that too friendly? Forward? I think it was both, Maker I’m sorry, I should leave.”

    “No, Hawke, wait!” he said all too quickly, gently grabbing her elbow as she turned to leave.

    “It’d be common curtesy to let me leave before I make more of a fool of myself,” she muttered, crossing her arms again, but tighter this time as she avoided looking directly at him.

    Anders shook his head, summoning enough courage to tell her. If not now, when the two were alone with nary a distraction, when?

    “You’re not making a fool of yourself, I promise,” he reassured her,“It was…nice, actually. I just need to tell you something. Important.”

    “Maker, you make it sound like we’re breaking up.”

    He laughed lightly, “We’d have to get further than we are now to get to that point.”

    Hawke had to laugh a little, too, finally looking up, but still avoiding his eyes.

    “What was it you needed to tell me?”

    He breathed in deeply before beginning, as if he could breath in any stray courage from the air that he so desperately needed.

    “You remember Karl, right?” he asked her hesitantly.

    She nodded, “Of course I do. I’m still sorry you had to see him like that. Tranquil.”

    “You’ve no reason to be sorry. It was those blasted templars, not you.” He could feel the spirit inside him bubbling beneath the surface, trying his hardest to beat it back down so he could continue. He didn’t need to be distracted in this moment.

    “Growing up in the Circle,” he continued, “everything’s about order and rules and the templars. The apprentices…we found ways to make that bearable. Karl and I…he was the first. We could forget that out in the world we were nothing but templar slaves. We hadn’t been together for a long time before you met him. But still…it hurt.”

    He felt like a great weight had been lifted off his chest and he could breath again, but she still wasn’t looking at him directly, making him wonder or not he had put her off by this.

    “You and Karl were together?” she finally asked, raising an eyebrow. Her tone wasn’t accusing or spiteful. She sounded more curious and patient than he would have expected. He should probably have stopped expecting the worst when it came to her.

    “I’ve always believed people fall in love with a whole person, not just a body. Why would you shy away from loving someone just because they’re like you?” he questioned, giving a minimal shrug, “Does it bother you that I’ve…been with men?”

    He sounded awkward and forced the way he asked her, his heart beating anxiously in his chest. He didn’t know how she was going to react, so when Hawke lifted her head up to look at him with a small smile, he was a bit taken aback and almost scared.

    “Well, since you’re telling me all this, I think it’s only fair that I ask you if it bothers you that I’ve been with women?” she replied easily, like it didn’t faze her in the slightest to ask.

    His eyebrows raised, still slightly shocked. He stumbled over himself when he tried to talk, almost elated to have let it all out at last.

   “Um, uh, no. I suppose it wouldn’t bother me,” he told her truthfully with a shake of his head, “Not at all.”

   “Then it doesn’t bother me that you’ve been with men,” she confirmed, her smile growing a little, “Though, you do seemed to be a little shocked on my end.”

   “I’m just a little surprised, is all. Does…your brother know?”

    Hawke laughed outright, “Yes, he does. He’s far too familiar with my moaning and groaning about a few of the girls back in Lothering. He’s told me to shut up and do something about it once or twice.”

    Anders had to grin at that, “And did you?”

    “Well, there was this one red headed lay sister in the local Chantry—“

    “ _A lay sister?_ You’re serious?”

    “If you’d have seen her, you’d understand. Anyways, I ended up not going for her. She left sometime after, and then, well. _The Blight_ , as it goes,” she joked, shrugging her shoulders before pausing for a moment, “I’m glad you told me about Karl, though. It’s nice having another person around who feels the same way I do openly. I mean, Isabela’s great and all, but…thank you. It means a lot.”

    Anders nodded, “I understand completely. It was a weight off my shoulders to tell you.”

    “You shouldn’t have been so nervous. You can tell me anything, remember?” she reminded him, “Anyhow, it’s dark, and I don’t want to have to fight off more muggers than I can handle. I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”

    “Tomorrow,” he promised as she began to head for the door.

    She gave him one last smile, but right before she opened the door, she turned around to ask, “Did I mention we might have to stop by the Bone Pit tomorrow as well?”

    “ _Hawke_ —“

    “Must’ve slipped my mind. See you tomorrow, Anders!”

    With that, she was gone, leaving him rolling his eyes and with his affection for her growing.

 


End file.
